Hats: So, ready for this year's orgasm contest?

Sums: Already? Just a couple hours into the year??

Hats: The true competitor must be ready to accept the challenge at any time! Plus, neither of us hooked up with anyone, so it seems a good way to spend the rest of the night.

Sums: Okay, lil miss teetotaler. Since I have had horniness-enhancing alcohol, while you have had only bland tea and total, I'll cum circles around you! You're on!

Hats: First of all, you know my drug of choice is coffee. Second, I've had enough of it to give me an edge on speed, no matter how artificially horny you are. But third, and most important, you haven't heard this year's whammy rule!

Sums: Whammy rule? What th'fuck're you talking bout?

Hats: After last year's rule modification, I decided that there should be a new rule every year! Keep it interesting! See who can perform the best under unusual circumstances!

Sums: Kay. So whass the whammy rule this year? 

Hats: You're looking at it! Most orgasms while out in a snowdrift!

Sums: Whaaa? I'm drunk enough that I'm almost considering requesting some pee play, but even I know that snow and sex don't mix!

Hats: Oh come on! Boots stay on, of course! No sense losing any toes to frostbite.

Sums: Better than losing your labia to it.

Hats: Suit yourself! A little stoking of the inner flames will keep me toasty, and pave my path to victory as wel-

~a gust of wind arises~

Hats: Okay, new whammy rule: most orgasms from downing a gallon of hot chocolate.

Sums: You're on!