Talvers: Dr. Winters. The board has selected your new Erotic Studies professor. Allow me to introduce Kristen Bartlet.
Hats: Hi! Pleasure to meet you! Great to finally have another woman on the team!
Kristen: I understand my predecessor was fired for drugging the class with ecstasy and ended up starting an . . . orgy . . . amongst the students.
Hats: Well I didn't actually see an orgy, but I was kind of hallucinating at the time . . . It was . . . unfortunate all around.
Kristen: Well let me assure you no such thing will happen in my classes!
Hats: Great! Didn't expect that it would've! Third time's the charm!
Kristen: Because I'll be teaching abstinence.
Hats: . . . Huh?
Talvers: The board decided that since Professor Smith attempted to start an orgy in class, and since Professor Goodlove succeeded in starting one, intentionally or not, the new professor needed to provide an alternate viewpoint that was . . . less stimulating.
Hats: How is abstinence compatible with my curriculum??
Talvers: You'll have to ask the board. I'm sorry.
Kristen: So I understand you have a side job as a whore?
Hats grimaces.
