Lisa: Mr. Johnson, you stopped your story after the defendant took off your skirt. But I think we need to hear the whole story. 

Gil: Okay

Lisa: So let's recap. You performed oral sex on the defendant? Is that right?

Gil: Yeah, she made me cut a condom into a dental dam first.

Lisa: Was that the only sex act that happened?

Gil: No, not exactly.

Lisa: There was more?

Gil: Well, after she pulled down my skirt . . . 

Hats: Look, this was a big misunderstanding. But I don't want you to go home unhappy.

Gil (flashback): What do you mean?

Wellll, I may be gay, but I've always wanted to see a cock do its thing up close. Maybe you could . . . jerk off for me?

Gil: Well . . . could you show me your pussy up close while I do it? Maybe play with yourself a little too?

Hats (flashback): Fuck yeah!!

Gil: So we masturbated together, and we both, uh, climaxed. 

Gil (flashback): Uhhnn! 

Hats (flashback): Oh shit yeah!! Whoa!!

Lisa: Did you put your penis in her?

Gil: No.

Lisa: Did she at any point even touch your penis?

Gil: No.

Lisa: So that was all that happened?

Gil: Yeah.

Lisa: We therefore submit that this is irrelevant evidence. The terms of the contract are extremely vague. Our position that only penis-in-vagina sex is remotely covered by the contract remains unchallenged. 

Aww yeah! That's right! So there!

Lisa: Hats, shhh!

Gil: Oh wait! She did let me take some pictures of her after we finished! Lemme see if I can find them.

That's quite all right, Mr. Johnson.

Gil: Here we go! Take a look!

Opposing Lawyer: Well well! What have we here! Looks like penis-in-vagina aftermath to me! We'll be adding this to our evidence list! Thank you Mr. Johnson!

Hats: What!? No! That's not cum on me! Just my own, uh, juices! I'd just orgasmed!