Judge: Court is now back in session. Have you both had sufficient time to review the new evidence?
Lisa: Yes, your honor.
Opposing Lawyer: Yes, your honor.
Judge: Very well. Defendant, please call your witness.
Lisa: Please state your name and occupation.
Jeanine: I'm Jeanine Alvarez, and I'm a technician with Genetitest Services, LLC. I do DNA testing, mainly to determine paternity.
Lisa: Did the defendant send in DNA samples to your company to be tested?
Jeanine: Yes. I, and one of my colleagues performed independent paternity tests on those samples.
Lisa: The results of those tests are contained in Defense exhibit A, which you have a copy of. Can you please read the highlighted passages?
Jeanine: The samples of the children were compared against their respective mothers to isolate the paternal genetic contributions. Those paternal genes were then compared between the children. The allele match index--
Lisa: You can skip the details. Can you read where it says the probability of paternity?
The probability that the children share the same father is 99.99983%.
Lisa: Which means that the father of the defendant's daughter is the sperm donor that the defendant's wife used when she became pregnant at the same time?
Opposing Lawyer: Objection!
Judge: Sustained.
Lisa: We'll be establishing those details shortly, your honor! No further questions! Your witness.
Opposing Lawyer: That's a lot of nines you just read off there just now. I'm not sure I quite I understand that many nines. Does that mean that the two children have the same father with absolute certainty?
Jeanine: Well, no. It's extremely, extremely likely that they do, but there's a very minute chance they don't.
Opposing Lawyer: Very minute? Could you put that amount into some other terms? What would the odds be? If I wanted to say it was one out of -- how big a number?
Jeanine: It's about one in a million. Nearly two in a million, actually.
Opposing Lawyer: One in a million, you say!!
Hats: Oh god fucking dammit!
Lisa: Hats, shh!!
Opposing Lawyer: I think we've already heard some expert testimony about what one-in-a-million odds are like! Could the court reporter read back the defendant's testimony on that subject?
Hats: UHHGGGGGHHHH!!
Lisa: SHHH!!
